Pure emotion

Ken was feeding Zora the other day as she banged on her high chair tray and smiled and he said "do you know what a breath of fresh air you are" or something to that effect. And I agree. There is something about the way babies seem to experience everything so fully and express their emotions so fully that is refreshing. By the time Owen turned one I remember feeling like I was finally getting my feet under me again and I didn't spend much time looking back or missing those infant days. But now having a baby again I realize one of the things I did miss as Owen became a toddler and then a preschooler and one of the things I will miss as Zora gets older is that totally pure emotion that is expressed with the entire body. Zora doesn't just smile with her mouth but with her eyes, her whole face and even her whole body - waving her arms, kicking her feet, bouncing up and down - when she is really happy. Maybe once we can talk, we use words more and our bodies less to express ourselves. I remember waiting anxiously for the time Owen could talk so that he could tell us exactly what he needed or what was wrong (and as they say, be careful what you wish for because now it is nearly impossible for anyone else to get a word in around here at times because Owen is so busy telling us what is on his mind). Words seem more direct, more efficient, less likely to be misinterpreted or missed all together. But there is something about emotion made visible that makes it more contagious. There are definitely times that Owen still displays pure emotion, but they are definitely fewer than they once were. Of course Zora is just as expressive with her distress, frustration and anger as she is with her joy. These are not necessarily the kind of emotions I need to catch - I have them enough on my own, thank you very much. And I guess it is probably when babies are expressing these emotions that parents are most likely to wish that they could talk instead of just scream. It can be painful and frustrating when your baby is screaming and crying and you can't figure out why or how to soothe her. But there are times now when Owen expresses his anger or frustration with a good dose of attitude (what parent of a preschooler hasn't heard "I don't like you anymore" or some variation on that theme) when I think that the screaming and crying of a baby just might not be that bad. And when it goes hand and hand with those whole body smiles, I'll definitely take it.