Owen turned 5 this past Sunday (I'll post about his "Lance Armstrong Bike Extravaganza party soon, I hope). It's one of those birthdays that seems so big. 5 sounds so much older than 4 for some reason. In so many ways it seems impossible that he could be 5 already. I know it sounds cliche to comment on how fast they grow up, but they really do. I admit sometimes the minutes seem like hours and the days like an eternity but then suddenly he is 5 and the years seem like they were just days.
I remember people asking me when he turned 1 if I felt sad that he wasn't a baby anymore. And honestly, I didn't. I was so relieved that I had made it through the first year and that things finally seemed at least a little easier. But these days I find myself wanting to slow time down. To linger just a little longer in this time where he is big and little at the same time. He is learning so much about the world around him and how to make his way in it but he still is filled with innocence and wonder. He can do so much for himself now and is no doubt his own person but we are still the center of his universe and he still wants to be snuggled and held and hugged and kissed.
These days he is practicing writing his letters and numbers and wants to try to spell and read everything he sees. He is interested in all things science and nature and says he wants to protect animals when he grows up. And he has a sense of humor that is truly funny. Sure, he still tells knock-knock jokes that make no sense, but sometimes he says things that are meant to be, and really are, funny. For example: my Mom always sends birthday packages and she always writes on them "Do Not Open Until" with the date of the recipients birthday. When Owen's package came 4 days before his birthday it was like a kind of torture to see that package every day and not be able to open it. So on Saturday he says to me "I'm going to make a card for Grammy."
"Ok. That would be nice."
"You know what I'm going to write on it?" he asks with a big smile on his face.
"What?"
"Do not open until your birthday."
I laughed so hard. And he did it too.
Sunday night he told Ken "Now that I'm five, maybe I can go someplace far away all by myself."
"Oh yeah. Did you have someplace in mind?"
"Well, you know the woods behind our house? I was thinking I could go there and take my notebook and see if I find anything interesting there and write about it in my notebook."
I know I can't slow down time and even if I could, I wouldn't really want to. There is so much more for him to learn, explore, experience and become. What I really want is the presence of mind to enjoy this time, and all the times yet to be, while they are here. Sometimes I get so caught up and bogged down in getting through the day that I forget to appreciate this time. And then he says something or does something or he is just being and I take a minute to stop and soak it in. And when I do, I'm blown away by what a fun, cool, curious, intense person he is and I'm grateful that I'm here to watch him grow and become who he is. And so my biggest wish for his birthday is that he holds on to who he is as he grows up and goes farther out into the world and faces all the amazing beauty and ugliness it has to offer. And that I can give him the room to do that despite that place in my heart that wants to hold him close to me and protect him and have him stay this age forever.
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