One

Zora turned one yesterday. We had some friends over Sunday afternoon for a small party since both Ken and I had to work on Monday. She loved the balloon and flowers that Owen picked out for her and did not hesitate at all to dive in to the cake. When Owen turned one I tried to make a healthy cake with little or no sugar since he hadn't had any yet. But Zora's cake, though it was a banana cake (she LOVES bananas), was covered with a yummy chocolate cream cheese frosting. I'm not sure how old Owen was before he had chocolate but it was quite some time after his first birthday I'm sure. And she really loved the chocolate (and who can blame her!). We did have another small cake last night after dinner with just the four of us and opened her presents. In typically one year old fashion she was more interested in the paper and the gift bags than the actually presents and I thought Owen would explode with excitement trying to get her to open the gifts.

Singing happy birthday.

Owen ready to burst from the excitement. Zora is not phased.

Yummy!

All done.

The cake is so good, Keaton needs 2 forks!

Mama with the birthday girl.

Balloons and flowers from Owen (and Daddy).

I remember one year ago when I was laying on the couch feeling a little under the weather on a Sunday morning when the phone rang with the news. We quickly packed a bag and headed to Chicago only to wait, very impatiently, for 2 days until we could see her and take her home. It is almost hard to remember Zora as that tiny little newborn - 2 days old the first time we saw her. She was so easy going and mellow and loved to be held. Just like with Owen I worried that she slept too much and wasn't eating enough and just like Owen she was fine. And just like Owen she quickly developed a preference for sleeping in our arms rather than anywhere else. And now she has gone from a newborn that mostly slept (she slept during the day, of course, and was up most of the night) and couldn't walk, talk or feed herself to a little girl who is funny and fiercely independent and who is walking and climbing and who not only can feed herself but insists on doing so most of the time. And while she is not talking yet she has definitely found ways to make her opinions and desires known - pointing at things and then pointing at herself when she wants something or yelling and squirming when she wants to be put down so she can climb up the stairs rather than be carried. She laughs with delight when she gets what she wants, whether it is her bottle, the pancake I am eating that she wants to share or Ken's cell phone that she wants to play with. And she loves trying to keep up with her older brother or sitting on the floor playing catch with him - though she can't really catch she can really throw a ball or anything else she gets her hands on. She will play peek-a-boo, behind a blanket, the furniture or around the corner - for as long as we are willing, laughing each time we or she reappears. Happy birthday sweet, fiery, silly, strong little girl!

Update: Just as we've done with Owen each year, we have selected a charity where family and friends can make a donation in honor of Zora's birthday if they choose. For Zora's first birthday we chose the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute. Their mission is to improve adoption laws, policies and practices through research, education and advocacy. You can read about some of their current initiatives here.

The Truth is Rarely Simple

Sometimes I wish things could just be simple. But I know that nothing much is. As Zora's birthday approaches, it is a time of so much happiness for our family - celebrating what an amazing, lively, funny and spirited little person she is. But it is mixed with some sadness because as much as we are happy and grateful and celebrating this time I know that this time is one of sadness and pain for Zora's birthmom. We send pictures and updates at least every month and have some email contact with her and I know how very much she misses Zora. I know how much she thinks about her and wishes that she were able to be in Zora's life. And my heart breaks for her. As a parent I can only imagine the pain and sadness of the difficult decision she made a year ago. Zora is such a gift and it is impossible to imagine our family without her in it now. But her being in our family means there is a hole somewhere else. And I know that some day there will be some sadness for Zora about all of this too. And that breaks my heart as well.

When we first started talking about adoption it seemed so simple to me - there are babies who need families and we want to have another baby. Adoption seemed like a win-win situation. But when we really started researching adoption and started down that path in earnest, I realized it was not quite that simple. And now that we are living it and the people involved (Zora, our family, her birthmom and other people in her family) are real people that I know and feel connected to, I realize so much more deeply that the truth is adoption is not so simple, so black and white. It is complicated and so many shades of grey, as so many important and amazing things in life are. None of this is to say that I don't think adoption can be a wonderful way to build a family or that I regret in any way that we chose this path for our family. I guess this is all part of having an open (or semi-open) adoption. It makes all of the people involved in the adoption on all sides real people, non just an abstract concept. And I think that is a good thing. A very good thing. Because while knowing, at least through email, Zora's birthmom makes me more aware of the sadness that she is experiencing, it also gives me the chance to really know how much she loves Zora. And that is something we can tell Zora about when we talk about her birthmom and how Zora came into our family. And I think that will be a real gift for Zora. And for that I am grateful.

First Steps

A week ago Sunday Zora took her first real steps. She had been letting go of one thing and grabbing something else, taking a little step in the process. But these were real steps. Amazingly we were all there to see it. I think Owen was more excited than anyone. Of course I took some video only to have problems with our video camera. And since then she has pretty much refused to do it again despite our coaxing and encouragement. The harder we try to convince her to walk, the more she just sits down and crawls. Until tonight. She suddenly decided to start walking. This time I shot some video on our still camera. The quality and lighting are not great, but here it is.

Hockey hysteria

Now that the weather is getting colder and bike riding days are numbered, Owen seems to have shifted his focus to hockey. The fact that we signed him up for a Learn To Skate program through one of the local hockey clubs really got things started. I think this is a little bit of a case of parents living vicariously through their children. And I'm not just talking about Ken here. Both Ken and I wanted to play hockey at one time or another during our childhood but neither of us was able to. So while a part of me has hesitated because I know if he continues to play hockey it has the potential to be very expensive, part of me really wants him to do it. To be fair it hasn't been all our idea - he did express an interest all last winter - possibly driven by watching his cousins play hockey - and he had a great time trying to skate on the outdoor rink near our house last winter. So we aren't exactly forcing this on him. Ken took him to the first session this past Sunday and he was beside himself with excitement, especially that he actually got to wear real hockey equipment- including pants, elbow and knee pads, a jersey and gloves - and he even got to bring it home (for the learn to skate they can borrow equipment for the duration of the program).

Owen all ready to go

He apparently spent a lot of time falling down and getting back up but that did not dampen his enthusiasm one bit. He was so exhausted he fell asleep on the way home, still wearing his gloves which he refused to take off.

Since Sunday he has been wearing his gloves around the house and going outside to play hockey, wearing his gloves, every chance he gets. Quite honestly I'm a little surprised he hasn't asked to bring them to bed with him.

Happy Halloween

We had a great time Trick-or-Treating last night. Ken had to work so I was flying solo trying to get dinner ready, get costumes on and get out the door before it got to late. Owen was so excited this year he was bouncing off the walls and I had to send him out of the house several times to maintain my own sanity. The last 2 hours were the worst and I thought he might just explode with excitement. Once the trick-or-treaters started coming he settled down and kept himself busy passing out candy and looking at all the costumes while I got Zora ready. At one point he was in the middle of getting his costume on when a group knocked on the door and Owen started to run for the door with nothing on but his underwear but I managed. I to stop him in time and put some clothes on him before he answered the door.

Owen went as an ore boat captain (thanks for the hat Grammy, it made the costume) and Zora as a bear - the perfect warm and cozy costume for riding in the stroller. I was amazed that she actually left the hat on for the entire time (though she did keep pulling off her mittens). Zora seemed perfectly content to ride in the stroller and just take it all in and didn't complain once until we were already on our way back home. Last year Owen tired of trick-or-treating pretty quickly and didn't end up with much candy but this year he kept saying "Let's hit one more house. I see another ligh, let's hit one more Mama." And he came home with a full bag of candy. He still is into the idea of the Halloween Witch - an idea we borrowed from a co-worker of mine when I worked in Missoula. On Halloween night you pick out your favorite candy and leave the rest for the Halloween Witch and then she comes and leaves you a toy. He did ask several times if the Halloween Witch was real, but he is still perfectly happy to trade in a good portion of his candy for a toy.

Carving pumpkins (last weekend)

Zora isn't letting anyone near her pumpkin!

The finished pumpkins on Halloween night

Halloween party at Red Caboose

The captain and the bear, ready for action!

Out trick-or-treating.